im six kinds of drunk right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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