it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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