your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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