Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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