you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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