I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
well you can't waste a boner
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize