Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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