woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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