a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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