wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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