i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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