Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize