Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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