I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize