Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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