So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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