he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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