Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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