I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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