So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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