i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize