When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize