His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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