so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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