He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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