I'm so fucking centered right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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