when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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