he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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