So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize