ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize