it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize