She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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