Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
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She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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