It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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