I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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