So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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