Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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