Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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