So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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