dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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