I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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