Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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