I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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