Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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