I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize