I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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