Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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