Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Couch. On fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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