It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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