I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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